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Gotta start somewhere

So when I first started HSS, one of the mantras was “I am willing to start before I’m ready”, and it came on a day that I was offered a project that I was scared to accept. I decided to follow the mantra and take the job. Today is the first meeting for this project, and I AM SO FUCKING SCARED.

Before quitting alcohol, I probably would have drank a bottle of wine last night and been hungover and anxious for the meeting. Instead, I am well rested and willing to see what happens. Nervous as hell….but how bad can it really be? If I can face the world every day without wine – I should be able to go to a conference call, right!?

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Bland before Beautiful

I seem to be trying like hell to find some “way” to achieve numbness without alcohol. The first two weeks, I was in a newly-sober-high and I CAN’T GET IT BACK. “Normal” feels SO BLAND. I am so easily offended, cranky, and judgmental beyond belief right now. I keep drinking kava tea, seltzer water, taking bubble baths…trying to drown that little voice who is like “numb…I want numb”.

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I think the first two weeks of sobriety felt really “new and shiny” and motivating. I am finding it harder to feel as grateful and happy about it, now. Maybe I’m forgetting WHY I quit…why alcohol sucks…why I’m better without it.

As always, today’s mantra is spot on, and I will just repeat it until it sinks in.


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Herbal tea

One of my toolkit items is “clean or organize something at home” and another is “drink herbal tea”. This is a picture of me using my toolkit – this cabinet use to be full of wine glasses, beer mugs, and other alcohol paraphernalia!

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Sobriety tools

So grateful for this 8 week sobriety workshop!  The tools and lectures are so perfectly timed. Anyone thinking of quitting drinking or who has already quit but is looking for ways to develop tools for your sober life, I highly recommend Hip Sobriety School. I was totally overwhelmed with the idea of making this map and toolkit, but finally I just put pen to paper and tried my best. It was easier than I thought and it was actually quite helpful!

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Traveling hubby

First time hubby is traveling for work since I quit drinking. His travel nights usually end with me binge watching chick sitcoms while downing 2 bottles of wine. I ALWAYS wake up the most hungover on the days he is gone, and I ALWAYS regret whatever I did the night before.

Not this time! I’ve got like eight different herbal teas to choose from, new bubble bath to try out, and This Naked Mind downloaded in my new Kindle (that I just bought with the money I saved from not drinking)! Go me! Cheers to a very lovely evening of not drinking and an upcoming morning of feeling amazing!

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Drinking dreams

So last night I had a “drinking dream”. I remember when I quit smoking, I started having all these random dreams where I was smoking in them. It would freak me the fuck out, and I’d wake up craving cigarettes. I wasn’t expecting it to happen with drinking too! The dream was SO REAL and SO DETAILED. It’s like my brain was all “ok fine, you won’t drink for me when you consciously think about it…maybe I can get you triggered when you’re unconscious”. Well fuck off, brain! In the dream, I was sitting next to hubby and even said “this doesn’t make any sense at all – I’m obviously going to feel like shit”. So anyways, the dream rattled me a bit …but luckily, it’s just a dream.

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Preparation goes a long way!

Well today is day 12 of sobriety – officially 1 day more than I’ve been able to pull of in over a decade! First – I wanted to share what an amazing thing I’ve discovered. I apparently haven’t slept well in what seems like FOREVER! And thanks to not drinking, I SLEEP!!! I fucking sleep! Look at this shot of my average sleep before quitting and now my average sleep after quitting (from my Fitbit)!!!

This weekend started off very difficult – I hadn’t prepared myself AT ALL for the witching hour that Friday was going to be. I got through it, but not happily. By Saturday, though, I had a much better understanding of what was to come, and I practiced what I’ve learned at Hip Sobriety School so far. As a result, Saturday was an amazing evening! This isn’t easy by any means – but this weekend taught me that preparation and hard work go A LONG WAY!

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Fridays are my “witching hour”

My mantra from my sobriety school really holds true today…”Our challenges are our greatest learning devices”. Thanks for being 100% perfectly timed Holly!

Last night, I struggled with my second-ever sober Friday and was ready to say Friday’s suck ass – but I guess I will instead say “Friday’s are filled with learning lessons” and leave it at that lol

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Change doesn’t happen on it’s own

Alrighty – I am really going to make this work. Not only am I diving into this whole alcohol-free world, but I am going to really try to push myself in all areas of my life. Part of why I am doing this is because I want a meaningful life, and that’s not going to happen if I just keep doing the same things I use to do and just not drink.

For work, I am a consultant and have had someone reach out to me a number of times offering me work that I’ve been too scared to accept. Today, I read my message from Holly from my sobriety workshop, Hip Sobriety School,  just at the right moment. Another job offer has come my way, and I am scared to death to do the job….SCARED. TO. DEATH! But….

I am willing to start before I’m ready!

So…I have accepted the work and am going to try out being a little uncomfortable …why not now when I have a great new supportive community? Why not now when I am already uncomfortable as hell with everything else I’m doing lol. If not now, then when?