One day, I’m feeling overly confident submitting grad school applications left and right. Next day, I’m down and thinking I don’t even deserve to get into any of them. Now….drum roll…I’ve gotten the news that I’m accepted into a program starting in January! Wow, how drastically the world can feel when living life with anxiety.
Yesterday, I started my day with that great news! And then I got to do something I’ve sort of missed out on with sobriety. In giving up alcohol, at first, I was ashamed and embarassed that people would look differently at me. As time went on, I developed this sense of “not everyone deserves my story” because quite frankly, not everyone does. People often aren’t educated about addiction and telling those people my story just opens the door for judgement that this socially anxious girl doesn’t need. So, I’ve spent over 2 years making amazing changes in my life – growing and becoming a completetly different person – but haven’t really shared it with anyone (other than my husband and fellow sober friends). Yesterday, that completely changed! I got to tell the world that I am a new person… with new goals, new interests, and new pursuits!
I didn’t have to tell the world all about my past problems. I now have a reason to just announce my change! This new school adventure… this new career pursuit… gave me the opportunity to finally share this new side of me without having to get too personal with every “friend” on my feed. Guys and gals, it felt AMAZING! I got to say…”Hey world. This is the new me! I care about mental health and addiction, and I’m going to do something about it”!
You know what else I got to do? I got to give notice to my toxic consulting clients! The worst of my clients did exactly what I expected. She was furious and said All. The. Shitty. Things. And guess what? I don’t care. I was able to tell her – “This is how it is. Either take advantage of the time I’m still here to help… or waste it being pissed. Your choice”. Good riddance!
I know that going back to school is going to be HARD. I know that going into a new field in my 40s is going to be CHALLENGING. I know that there will be unexpected downsides to this path. Every path we choose has plusses and minusses. I’m hoping doing something good in the world and helping people… will outweight whatever minusses come along with it.