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Happy Thursday, everyone! I am on the third and final day of my little weekday escape. I have had the most amazing time this week. Life is really beautiful, isn’t it?

I have spent the last two days, meditating, reading, listening to my favorite music, sitting outside in nature, watching sappy romcoms, and going to the spa. My soul feels healthy and happy. My heart feels full of love.

I have a lot to be thankful for. While I do suffer from anxety, and addiction took more from me than it was ever worth – I have a full and beautiful life. I have a meaningful marriage – a true partnership. I have sweet dogs who love me unconditionally and are always there to throw a curve ball in any boring day. I have every opportunity I could ever ask for.

Today, I am grateful.

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Busywork & a noisy mind

Happy Tuesday everyone! I have 3 days off of work this week! My hubby is out of town – so I’ve decided to take advantage of the alone time and am headed to the mountains! I’ll spend 3 days in nature – away from people, work, chores, construction, and road noise. I plan to blog, journal, meditate, read, and spend time with my puppies.

I woke up this morning feeling so rested and at peace. And then, I let the real world set in, and I could feel that anxiety form in the pit of my stomach. I do this all the time – I let day to day life invade my time off instead of really being present and enjoying the time.

Frequently, when I have downtime – I fill it with cleaning, cooking, or random tasks. I could take advantage of the downtime – take a bubble bath, watch a rom com, read, meditate – but instead I default to busywork.

I remember every time I tried to give up alcohol, I filled my time with busy work. It was valuable early on, when I didnt know what else to do, but now, it really is a form of distraction.

Sometimes, I just dont know how to slow down and be present. Even though, I’ve found meditation to be a life changer for me – I still will default to busywork, planning, or constant improving. So this three days – hopefully – will be me reconnecting to self care.
Anyone else find themselves in that cycle of busy work…doing doing doing? What do you do to change it?

Posted in gratitude, motivation, recovery, self-care, sobriety

Two Years!

2 years! It has been 2 fucking years since I cut alcohol out of my life. In some ways, it seems like a miraculous victory. In other ways, it feels like no big deal anymore. But, I’m not going to let that “no big deal anymore” feeling take away this joy.

2 years ago, I saw things that needed to change in my life, and I did what I had to do to make it happen. I made a decision and followed it through. Sure, I second-guessed the decision hundreds of times, but I trusted “my why” and stuck-the-fuck-at-it. I was miserable, stuck, desperate, but hopeful. And guess what? Everything I thought I’d miss – I don’t. Everything I thought I’d gain, I got …plus SO MANY MORE THINGS that I didn’t even know I was missing.

I am somehow both a completely different person…and yet every bit ME as I’ve ever been. I am still a walking rom-com at times, but that’s me, and I love everything about that. I may still overthink things. I may still worry and suffer with anxiety. I may still have self doubt sometimes, but I also know that I can do anything I put my mind to. I know I can face challenge and adversity. I know that pain, anxiety, and doubt are all temporary feelings. I know how to take deep breaths, meditate, discuss my feelings, and sit and trust that things will work out.

Honestly, what more could I ask for?