Happy 2nd week of 2019, y’all! It really is hard to believe that 2019 is already here. 2018 wasnt very good to me and Hubby -so we are, for sure, glad it’s done! It is funny…I knew we were dealing with a lot of stress, but it wasn’t really until it started turning around that I realized just HOW stressed I was. I think me and Hubby did well through it all too. (No, I am not just saying that because he follows my blog lol). We really had some curve balls thrown at us that tests a couple – and we worked together through it all. We have come out on the other side, even stronger because of it. Between work restructuring, layoffs, and going through my first year of sobriety – it was a whirlwind. Go big or go home? Lol
At first, being new to Hubby’s state, I thought I just needed to make some friends, and then I would be okay. But the thing is, I am a pretty big introvert – even when I have friends – I really only want to see them once or twice a month. So how is THAT suppose to make up for a traveling husband? It wouldn’t, obviously.
Then I thought, I just needed a dog. Now, I’ll admit – the dog has done me wonders. I honestly don’t know how I would live without my dog (well, dogs now…because obviously I had to adopt another)! But no dog is going to make up for a missing husband, either.
Then I thought I just needed to turn it into “me time”. The problem with that…is back then, “me time” meant lots of wine, vodka, or wine AND vodka mixed with very sad chick flicks. I’m sure you can see how that actually made the situation much…much…worse.
So, fast forward to now. What did the trick? Why am I suddenly able to send my husband off with a kiss, knowing that I will miss him, but I will be fine? Well, I think that is a mixed bag of a lot of work. I got sober, for one. Amazing how the elimination of drunk moping solves quite a lot lol! I did A LOT of work on myself through sobriety too. I suddenly liked myself again. I suddenly had SO MANY THINGS I wanted to do. I also believe me and Hubby have grown through both my sobriety and through this past year’s struggles. It gave us a reason to look at everything in our life and decide what really mattered and to do it together.
Also, now that the self-centered, alcohol infused, “poor me” fog has lifted, suddenly I am far more interested in how Hubby is doing when on the road vs. how I am doing. I mean really…I’m the one sitting at home with all my home conveniences, home cooked meals (or let’s be real…uber eats), and 3 amazing pets cuddling me …while Hubby is the one out there…on the road…being forced to work out of hotel rooms, planes, and cars. Hoping he has all he needs in his carryon… because if not, it will be on an urgent run to buy pants at 10pm or something ridiculous. HE is the one being totally inconvenienced with the trip…not me!
So anyways, all of this is to say… once again…sobriety saved my life. It changed everything. And I am so grateful. I am fine. I am happy, and I finally love myself and time alone again. “Me time” is now full of healthy things like meditation, blogging, reflection, dancing around the kitchen with my dogs. I go to bed sober, happy, and seeing straight. I wake up refreshed, eager, and with no hangover!
I wouldn’t change a thing!