Posted in self-care, sleep, stress

The aging tech geek and sleep

Happy Thursday everyone! It is freaking 29 degrees in Georgia! What. The. Fuck. Anyways, this is not going to be a weather blog – don’t worry. I wanted to talk about sleep, actually. One of the many many reasons I gave up drinking was because it was ruining my sleep. Middle of the night, half-hungover wake ups were wreaking havoc on my sleep. I had read time and time again about how alcohol is terrible for your sleep AND as you get older, it gets worse and worse – but back then I didnt believe it at all.

When I gave it up, I started to see the benefits pretty quickly. But here it is, 16 months later, and I’m finding sleep to be a problem again. Nothing like when I drank – thank goodness. So apparently stress also has a big impact on your sleep! And with all the major curve balls that were thrown at me and hubby the last 6 months, my sleep started deteriorating again.

Noises started bothering me even more than ever before.
It’s one of those things. A self-fulfilling prophecy. You need to sleep, you’re tired and want to sleep, but you’re thinking about all the things that might keep you up again…and then you work yourself up until you can’t sleep!

I’ve tried a lot of things, but recently I started using a pair of sleepbuds. They are intended to be able to sleep with them and they play “soothing” sounds to mask noises around you. On one hand, they do seem to mask Hubby’s snoring, the elderly cat meowing, and most of the nearby train noises. On the other hand, they are uncomfy as fuck, and they make really LOUD noises against the pillow anytime you move…like, even breathing does it!

I was convinced though, that they were still better than not having them. I could no longer hear the road noise -which was making my blood boil every night. But my sleep has been pretty bad lately -so this week, I decided to go without them. And like magic – my sleep is improving! Suddenly my brain is happy to finally have those damn things off! Finally my brain is happy the stress of all the work stuff has been lifted!

Since I started using the sleepbuds, I had to give up listening to my sleep meditations at bedtime (can’t hear them with the sleepbuds in). Well last night, I remembered the meditation and listened to one. Guess what? It was the single best sleep I’ve had since October! And I actually have the data to prove it lol. Yes, I am a sleep nerd. I have a bed that measures my breathing, heart rate, and movements and reports how many times I tossed and turned, how many times I woke up, how much of my sleep was deep sleep, etc.

Ok – written down, this actually sounds a little crazy. I am such a tech geek that the minute I realized there was an app for my bed, I was like a kid in a candy store! Amazing how in my 20s, I collected all things Apple. Then my 30s, I collected all things Alienware and Razor. Now in my 40s, I’m collecting, apparently, /GASP…all things health. Once a tech geek, always a tech geek? But…I shiver to think what 80-year-old-me will collect!

Posted in Uncategorized

A little “me” time – alone but not lonely!

Happy 2nd week of 2019, y’all! It really is hard to believe that 2019 is already here. 2018 wasnt very good to me and Hubby -so we are, for sure, glad it’s done! It is funny…I knew we were dealing with a lot of stress, but it wasn’t really until it started turning around that I realized just HOW stressed I was. I think me and Hubby did well through it all too. (No, I am not just saying that because he follows my blog lol). We really had some curve balls thrown at us that tests a couple – and we worked together through it all. We have come out on the other side, even stronger because of it. Between work restructuring, layoffs, and going through my first year of sobriety – it was a whirlwind. Go big or go home? Lol

As I have mentioned before, Hubby travels a lot for work. In the beginning of our relationship, it was really hard to get use to. One silver lining of all the job mess is that he hasn’t traveled for the last six months! I knew that wouldn’t last forever, but I enjoyed it while it did. Hubby started working for a new company last week and has A TON of travel coming up. In fact, he just left for a week-long meeting.

You would think with travel being so hard on me in the past…that after 6 months of Hubby not traveling, that I would be a wreck. I am happy to report that I am not! Don’t get me wrong – of course, I would rather have him home, but my happiness and wellbeing don’t rely on his physical presence in the home, either. It sort of use to… I can’t fully explain it. When I was still drinking, everything was unstable for me. I couldn’t be alone with myself without being miserable. Which is weird…because I’ve always been so independent and really enjoyed being alone. But over the years, somehow being alone just meant being drunk and unable to stop obsessing about everything that went wrong or could go wrong. Alcohol robbed me of the joy I use to have being with myself.

At first, being new to Hubby’s state, I thought I just needed to make some friends, and then I would be okay. But the thing is, I am a pretty big introvert – even when I have friends – I really only want to see them once or twice a month. So how is THAT suppose to make up for a traveling husband? It wouldn’t, obviously.

Then I thought, I just needed a dog. Now, I’ll admit – the dog has done me wonders. I honestly don’t know how I would live without my dog (well, dogs now…because obviously I had to adopt another)! But no dog is going to make up for a missing husband, either.

Then I thought I just needed to turn it into “me time”. The problem with that…is back then, “me time” meant lots of wine, vodka, or wine AND vodka mixed with very sad chick flicks. I’m sure you can see how that actually made the situation much…much…worse.

So, fast forward to now. What did the trick? Why am I suddenly able to send my husband off with a kiss, knowing that I will miss him, but I will be fine? Well, I think that is a mixed bag of a lot of work. I got sober, for one. Amazing how the elimination of drunk moping solves quite a lot lol! I did A LOT of work on myself through sobriety too. I suddenly liked myself again. I suddenly had SO MANY THINGS I wanted to do. I also believe me and Hubby have grown through both my sobriety and through this past year’s struggles. It gave us a reason to look at everything in our life and decide what really mattered and to do it together.

Also, now that the self-centered, alcohol infused, “poor me” fog has lifted, suddenly I am far more interested in how Hubby is doing when on the road vs. how I am doing. I mean really…I’m the one sitting at home with all my home conveniences, home cooked meals (or let’s be real…uber eats), and 3 amazing pets cuddling me …while Hubby is the one out there…on the road…being forced to work out of hotel rooms, planes, and cars. Hoping he has all he needs in his carryon… because if not, it will be on an urgent run to buy pants at 10pm or something ridiculous. HE is the one being totally inconvenienced with the trip…not me!

So anyways, all of this is to say… once again…sobriety saved my life. It changed everything. And I am so grateful. I am fine. I am happy, and I finally love myself and time alone again. “Me time” is now full of healthy things like meditation, blogging, reflection, dancing around the kitchen with my dogs. I go to bed sober, happy, and seeing straight. I wake up refreshed, eager, and with no hangover!

I wouldn’t change a thing!