I have been looking into non-AA ways to expand my IRL sober network and recently found a local SMART Recovery meeting near me. I’ve been SCARED TO DEATH to go and was trembling just walking in the building…but apparently I can do hard things…and I didnt come this far to only come this far….and I’m a fierce mother fucker….soooo I dragged my scared ass there, and I did it!
For anyone else worried about something like this – do it! You will feel so much better after you face the nervousness! It felt good to face a big fear. It also felt good to see people face to face and talk about sobriety.
New and Shiny Me 
So awesome that you powered through the fear!! May I ask why you are against AA?
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Thanks! I wouldn’t say that I am “against AA” – it’s more that I’m looking for a a specific solutions-based environment to accompany my other support groups. SMART is attractive to me because of their cognitive behavioral approach. I work well with those type of tools and their meetings are a little more solutions-based … you might walk through how to use a tool together or go back and forth similar to group therapy, almost. It’s just a different approach.
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I used to get almost full blown panic attacks before I would go into a meeting. Heart palpitations, sweaty palms…the worst. I’m not familiar with the format of SMART, but I would guess that you would have the option to mostly listen until you are comfortable sharing. That’s what I did for awhile in AA. I literally had to train myself to not be anxious before a meeting and would talk myself through it (out loud). When it comes down it, you need to remember that everyone is at that meeting for the same reason you are, and no one is there to pass judgement. I always had to tell myself that I am not that important, that even if I did say something stupid, no one is going to remember and focus on it anyway. I would often say “fuck you anxiety” (excuse the language) during the drive to the meeting. Not sure if any of what I said helps, but going through the fear shows a lot of willingness on your part! Early sobriety is tough, but it gets better. Hang in there and tell your fears to fuck off!
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Thanks so much! It DOES help a lot. Anxiety is never logical but it helps to retrain my mind… reshape the negative thoughts with realistic ones. Just like you said – everyone is there for the same thing and honestly, most of them are probably feeling the same way.
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