Posted in Uncategorized

Now I have something to lose

Is this a thing – fear of losing what’s going good? Lately, although I have had this immense and overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude, I am also constantly worried that I am somehow going to lose all these great things that I’m just now realizing I have. I look around my life – and I am so thankful for everything I have and everyone in it. I’m amazed that I have gotten where I am in spite of my drinking. I now love my home, my job, my family and I just can’t believe how easily all of this could have gone away and how lucky I am to still have it all.

Although I am so super happy with so many things now, I still have this annoying, constant worry. Like I’m waiting for the bad part of all of this…like wouldn’t that be some shit …if when I FINALLY appreciate what I have, I lose it?! When it would ACTUALLY hurt me, it happens?

Am I crazy? I don’t know why I can’t just be happy with all I’ve discovered and learned to appreciate…why I have to worry about losing things when I have them.

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