Month: October 2017

Yesterday was AMAZING and was real evidence of how much I’ve changed. I live in a new neighborhood and by being the first to have moved here, somehow I’ve become a sort of “social chair”…which is ironic as fuck because I am the most socially anxious woman on the planet….orrr I USE TO BE. So I arranged for a neighborhood Meet & Greet yesterday and it was supposed to be outdoors, but hell froze over and for some reason it was 34 degrees IN ATLANTA when I woke up. So with only a few hours’ notice, hubby and I decided to host the party IN OUR HOUSE instead.

Everything that could have gone wrong beforehand, went wrong. My dog apparently pooped somewhere…and the Roomba (robot vacuum thingy) apparently ran over the poop. So while we are running around cleaning other things thinking the floors were taken care of…Will (what we named our Roomba) was actually running around smearing dog shit all over our house and white bathroom rugs!!!! Also, I’m getting over a cold…so of course, I had a major coughing attack and I literally peed my pants RIGHT BEFORE THE PARTY.

Guys…It was 20 minutes before the party started, before 30 fucking strangers showed up IN MY HOUSE, my house was covered in dog poop, and I had to shower again! In the past, I’d have already been a little tipsy and anxious as hell….and that would have been the straw…but guess what? It wasn’t ! It actually didn’t even phase me! I literally looked at all that went wrong, made a list of what we had to do to fix it, delegated stuff to hubby – and we just took care of it! And guess what else? The party was a huge hit- I met some really great people, and everything worked out just fine!

Also – people were in my house with alcohol and the only thing I thought was “man, beer really smells”!

Sobriety and HSS has changed everything! Life is just easier…and better! I love you guys!

Sitting at home, sick as a dog, fending for myself because hubby is on the road. This is my “first sick” since being sober.

When I was drinking, being sick meant me being exhausted but still trying to figure out that perfect balance of alcohol consumption while still being able to take cold medication. So many times alcohol won, and I probably prolonged my sickness by days or a week.

Hubby being on the road when I was sick was always extra hard. I was already a sketchy “crazy girl” when he was gone and I got drunk. I would cause all sorts of ridiculous fights with him for no reason. Then add being sick and lonely AND drunk – magical disaster.

This time around…I’m sick…I’m a little lonely…I’m taking care of myself…and I feel bad for hubby because he didn’t want to leave me but he had to. I never considered how hard it was for him when he left. Funny how much more of the picture there is besides my drunk self and that “me me me” mentality I had while drinking.

I am so amazed at how much more there is to this world than I knew before!

30 days! 30 fucking days!!! It has been a beautiful, humbling, sometimes-painful, sometimes-joyful, road so far. I went from thinking I could never do this…seeing me as an old broken woman one day drinking vodka in a rocking chair….to knowing I can do ANYTHING!

Last night, I was talking to hubby about how impossible this had felt. How the last few times I went into it thinking it was likely doomed and how it ended up doomed. But this time was SO different – all because I decided to TRY something new…to put blind faith into a new way…to say fuck it- what’s the worst that can happen. I can’t believe how many things in life I’ve been missing because I thought I already knew all I needed to know! The only thing I actually know – is there is a fuck-load more to know! And for the first time in life….I’m happy about that! I hope I always have something new to learn and that I am always finding better ways to be.

Last night was the very first night that I didn’t even think about wine! I just started my lovely evening with tea, aromatherapy, and quality time with my hubby and dogs. It was amazing.